Seoul is a fantastic city, even with jetlag! But when you find yourself stuck in a hotel room far away from home, just about to embark on a three-week-long self-funded trip to create a travel documentary about a new country, even in a mega-city like Seoul (which is full of friendly souls and smiling faces) self-doubt can creep in. And if this is left to fester, worse, the Black Dog can arrive, along with his friend, Imposter Syndrome, and this combination of negativity can soon become a filmmaker or photographer’s biggest challenge on assignment.

I had arrived in Seoul, South Korea, a few hours earlier and thankfully had the sense to allow myself a couple of rest days to adjust to my surroundings before I started filming my South Korean travel documentary. My new home, until I embarked on a road trip to the east coast to cover a story about North Korean refugees, was the Glad Mapo Hotel. Located in the heart of the city, this clean and modern hotel was the perfect base for me to set up and explore the city from. The staff were friendly and helpful, and with a subway station right next door to the hotel's reception, it was ideal and one of the reasons I booked the hotel.

Any good filmmaker, photographer or director will tell you when working on a travel or photography documentary project, preparation is key. Back home in England, I had already spent weeks researching stories and planning the trip, but there was still work to be done. So for my first 48 hours in Seoul, I slept, ate, and prepared for the first day of filming.

Now I must admit, it was at this stage of the trip I did question what I was doing. I mean, who wouldn't? I had planned to film and photograph at least two stories a day during the three-week-long trip, so it was going to be busy, very busy! But was it all too much? After all, I was thousands of miles away from home, alone in a country I'd never visited before, where I didn’t speak the language, on a self-funded film project to create what I hoped would be one of the best travel documentaries about South Korea the world has ever seen! Well, you got to think big! 😉

But now that initial confidence I had back in England was now leaving me. What was I really doing?
Yes, you guessed it. Unfortunately, imposter syndrome had kicked in. The old Black Dog had arrived, probably brought on by a lack of sleep and general tiredness from the long flight. One thing was for sure, the bad weather outside, which had forced me to stay couped up in my hotel room like a hibernating grumpy old brown bear for the last day and certainly had not helped my mood.

I’ll be the first to admit I had set my sights high. Any sane producer/filmmaker would tell you creating travel documentaries needs a big budget and typically a team consisting of at least a director, researcher, camera operator (probably two or three), a producer and an on-camera presenter (the talent). But no, I had decided to be a Maverick, go it alone and film the entire project single-handedly! In my defence, I had asked my assistant to accompany me, but he had other commitments, so it was all down to me. From finding the stories, filming the footage, taking care of the sound, directing, shooting the b-roll, editing, and, to top it all off, taking photographs and presenting it all. It was all down to me. My show! 

Maybe it was going to be too much and turn out to be a very expensive big mistake? Clearly, I needed to give myself a pep talk and get out of my hotel room! Maybe that will help, so grabbing my phone, I headed out into the city to find a coffee shop. Now I'm all for independent coffee shops, but on this occasion, I needed something familiar, and Google Maps (which actually doesn't work that well in South Korea, Navier is much better) directed me to a nearby Starbucks. I know it's a big global chain taking over the world, and the coffee is average, but I needed something that reminded me of home, so forgive me.

I sat for a while, and people watched as I drank my coffee, thinking about the impending task and tough filming schedule ahead of me.

For the next hour or so (it was a two-coffee situation), I battled my inner demons and negative thoughts. And finally, I started to feel better and more positive about the project. I wouldn’t say I walked back to my hotel with a spring in my step, but I was certainly in a much better frame of mind. I think the turning point for me was, firstly, realising that it was okay to feel like this; I was jet-lagged and away from home. The second was to remind myself why I was there and to start to visualise each day and what I wanted to achieve. Lastly, I concentrated on positive thinking and reminded myself I had the skills and experience to pull this off.

I wanted to share this story with you, as hopefully, it might help you or somebody you know. They don’t have to be embarking on a project like this or even be creative. I just want you/them to know that it’s okay to feel like this, just embrace it and say to yourself. I know what this is, I know how this makes me feel, and it’s okay. In fact, bring it on, do your worse. Because when you’re done. I’ll still be here, thinking positively, feeling confident and ready to make a difference!

Till next time, and just remember - Don’t Just Exist